Fletch
Registered: 06/06/06
Posts: 860
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Reply with quote | #16 |
Things that make you go OOOOOHHHHHHH SSSSHHHHHIIIIITTTTT!!!!!!!!!! Fletch 
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Brian28
Registered: 07/09/06
Posts: 723
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STiDavid
Registered: 08/05/06
Posts: 356
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Reply with quote | #18 |
The Vibrator.......
As a mom passed her daughter's closed bedroom door,
she heard a strange buzzing noise coming from within.
Opening the door, she observed her daughter giving
herself a real workout with a vibrator. Shocked, she asked:
"what in the world are you doing?"
The daughter replied: "Mom, I'm thirty-five years
old, unmarried and this thing is about as close as I'll ever get
to a husband! Please,
go away and leave me alone."
The next day, the girl 's father heard the same buzz
coming from the other side of the closed bedroom door. Upon
entering the room, he observed his daughter making passionate love
to her vibrator. To his query as to what she was doing, the
daughter said:
"Dad I'm thirty-five, unmarried and this thing is
about as close as I'll ever get to a husband. Please, go away and
leave me alone."
A couple days later, mom came home from a shopping
trip, placed the groceries on the kitchen counter and heard that
buzzing noise coming from, of all places, the living room.
She entered that area and observed her husband
sitting on the couch, downing a cold beer , and staring at the tv.
The vibrator was next to him on the couch, buzzing like crazy.
The wife asked: "What the hell are you doing?"
The husband replied: "I'm watching football with my
son-in-law."
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STiDavid
Registered: 08/05/06
Posts: 356
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Fletch
Registered: 06/06/06
Posts: 860
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Reply with quote | #20 |
A little joke to brighten the mood in the Forum........it has become a tumble weed Forum again!!!!! Ashers I think the live chat section has scared everyone off. Fletch
A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.
While he's in there, the husband tells his wife: "Listen,.... this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."
To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey ...... I love you too!!"
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Fatbob
Registered: 10/02/06
Posts: 142
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Reply with quote | #21 |
Fletch is this your way of telling us that you are in prison and will be escaping in September for the do and will be bringing some vaseline with you ? 
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Fletch
Registered: 06/06/06
Posts: 860
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Reply with quote | #22 |
Fatbob Make sure you dint bend down in the toilets!!!! Fletch
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STiDavid
Registered: 08/05/06
Posts: 356
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Fletch
Registered: 06/06/06
Posts: 860
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Reply with quote | #24 |
Things that make you go OOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This would get the Gala Dinner going!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hank's new trick now his teeth have gone!!!!!!!!!!
What you don't want to see at 30,000 feet!!!!!!!!!!!
Here is a proper Wife who knows what a proper round is!!!!!
One good reason why most of us don't live in Oz like Odin!!!!!
This is a true fisher mans tail!!!!!!
Why would you possibly have a sink like this!!!!
And finally big music systems are like fast cars (Ian) it's a penis deficiency syndrome!!!!!
Hope you enjoyed these funnies I have been missing this thread!!!!
Fletch
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ianuk
Registered: 01/04/07
Posts: 340
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DAVEL
Registered: 07/21/06
Posts: 160
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Reply with quote | #26 |
They are going to film the new Star Trek film in Liverpool and have offered parts in it to all the scousers. The scousers have turned the offer down as not only do they not want to work now, they dont want to work in the future either.
The Pakistani cricketers have decide never to play cricket again and have taken up a new sport BOB......SLAYING
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ianuk
Registered: 01/04/07
Posts: 340
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Reply with quote | #27 |
Dave, your right about my locals! Like my pics then and shall I put more on?
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Fletch
Registered: 06/06/06
Posts: 860
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Reply with quote | #28 |
Ian
I have a blue nose at work who hates the red scum so I have loads.
Just before a pre season friendly between Liverpool and Real Madrid, Ronaldo goes into the Madrid changing room to find all his team-mates looking a bit glum "What's up?" he asks "Well, we're having trouble getting motivated for this game We know it's important for the fans but it's only Liverpool. They're rubbish and we can't be bothered" Ronaldo looks at them and says "Well, I reckon I can beat these by >myself, you lads go down the pub." So Ronaldo goes out to play Liverpool by himself and the rest of the Madrid team go off for a few jars. After a few pints they wonder how the game is going, so they get the Landlord to put the teletext on A big cheer goes up as the screen reads "Madrid 1 - Liverpool 0 (Ronaldo 10minutes)" He is beating Liverpool all by himself! Anyway, a few more pints later and the game is forgotten until someone remembers "It must be full time now, let's see how he got on". They put the teletext on "Result is - "Real Madrid 1 (Ronaldo 10 minutes) - Liverpool 1 (Gerrard 89 minutes)" They can't believe it, he has single handedly got a draw against Liverpool!! They rush back to the Stadium to congratulate him They find him in the dressing room, still in his kit, sat with his head in his hands He refuses to look at them. "I've let you down, I've let you down." "Don't be daft, you got a draw against Liverpool all by yourself And they only scored at the very, very end!" "No, No, I have, I've let you down... I got sent off after 12 minutes
Regards Fletch
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ianuk
Registered: 01/04/07
Posts: 340
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ianuk
Registered: 01/04/07
Posts: 340
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